Growing up, my dad instilled in me a simple but powerful truth passed down from his college coach: "To get respect, you have to give respect." Something I always knew is how much my dad respected his coach Doc Counsilman from Indiana University. He spoke so highly of Doc and as a small child I remember meeting him for the first time and seeing the relationship they built that started as an athlete and a coach. Doc truly cared for each of his athletes and it showed both on and off the pool deck. Doc's phrase stuck with me—not just in life, but especially in coaching. Over the years, I've come to believe that the most effective coaches aren't just the ones who know technique or strategy best, but the ones who instill important foundational values into their athletes.
You can have the most knowledge of the sport, the most time dedicated to coaching and the best program, but ultimately if you do not build your athlete relationships with a foundation of respect you will not get the optimal results. The best coaches are the ones who understand the psychology of respect, trust, and connection. They are the ones who know they are developing both within the sport but also as human beings who will go out and contribute to the world.
When we step onto the deck, the mat, the court, or the field, we're not just developing athletes—we're influencing young minds. We're helping shape how they see themselves and what they believe they are capable of. We become a part of their internal monologue which can truly make or break an athlete. Before we can get the best out of them, we have to meet them where they are. We need to respect their time, their emotions, their fears, and their dedication. When an athlete sees that we truly see them, not just as a performer but as a person, everything changes.
Respect garners trust and trust builds the foundation for greatness. The knowledge as a coach and as a parent that every athlete's greatness will be measured differently is also crucial to success. Celebrate the small accomplishments and the losses that still show improvement and personal gains for the athletes. Be the coach that lifts up the swimmer who came in third - but shaved 3 seconds off of their time. Be the coach that tells your team that even though they took seventh place on the mat at NCA - they performed the best routine of the season and you are proud of them. Believe me, as a coach THAT action alone makes a huge difference in our athletes. I saw this with my own kid, Mackie, when they did not place where they wanted for several cheer competitions throughout the season. Her coaches were always there letting them know what they expected them to do better within the routine after they finished competing and then ultimately letting them know how proud of them they were when they hit their routine no matter what place they took home. When we only focus on the wins then we have failed our kids as there are lessons in the losses as well.
I've seen it time and time again: when an athlete knows they're respected, they give more. They listen more, they fight harder for the win and they value what their coaches are telling them. Instead of our athletes being afraid to disappoint they believe in the process and they value what they are told because of the relationship they have developed. They are no longer performing for the coach—they are growing as an individual and that's a powerful shift.
As coaches, we often become the voice in their head. So that voice better be one that builds confidence, that encourages grit, that fuels resilience. We're not just building athletes—we're building people and that is a powerful place to be in. As a coach I always try to be firm but fair with any individual I am working with in or out of the pool. Have I used my "coach voice" or been hard on my athletes? ABSOLUTELY! As a coach I am also giving my time and dedication to these swimmers and I expect them to respect me as I respect them. My parents know that I have their best interest in mind and will never be mean to my swimmers - sometimes we do have to use our "coach voice" and be firm but fair with our athletes but ultimately they know we want what's best for them and as a coach we know they can do great things and more importantly we want that for them.
It is also our job to teach our athletes to respect others within our sport. We should teach them to respect their competitors, other coaches and even officials when they are out competing. We should teach them that feelings are always allowed and although we cannot control the reactions of others we can control our own reactions. There are going to be times we feel an official made the wrong call or something was not to our liking but we should always show respect in these situations as an athlete. Trust me that the best coaches will have their athletes backs and they will go out and fight for them appropriately when needed.
So whether you're coaching a five-year-old swimmer or a high school athlete chasing a scholarship, remember: it's not just about the wins and the practices. It's about the connection you make with your athletes and the lessons we teach them both in and out of the sport. Respect them, trust them, and invest in who they are. The results you will see in the sport and in life will be more than worth it.
-Coach Ellis
